clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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