so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
