i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
