also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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