I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
