if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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