I bet he comes in French.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
