What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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