well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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