I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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