I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
