I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
