well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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