the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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