went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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