3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
