I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
from now on my penis is your penis
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
