somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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