btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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