I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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