note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize