i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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