We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
