she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
