so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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