He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
