I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My vagina is officially offended.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
