I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
