i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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