It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
