i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
