Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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