He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
