I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
