I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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