I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did I show you my penis last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
