Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
