remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
