yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
