Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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