Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
