either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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