did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
