I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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