Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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