Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
