I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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