Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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