still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize