the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
