Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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