Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
