Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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