I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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