So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
